A Tribute To My Mother. Learning Lessons Through Grief & Loss.

My mother's birthday is in a few days. Almost nine years ago, I lost her to a blood disease and cancer called multiple myeloma. Although it didn't happen a few years ago, the pain cuts no less deep. There are days when I pick up my phone, eager to share something with her. Then,  I quickly remember that our daily phone time can be shared no more.  A mother and daughter shopping is a normal thing to see on a sunny day. For me, I often lock eyes, wishing that I could laugh and talk with the woman who birthed me again. I can't count the times that my feet have been planted in a place, not allowing me to move, due to a memory. 

When I was growing up, my mother was the first person to pull out a camera to chronicle a moment. I hated how it felt to have my space invaded by a nosey device. Now, I appreciate it. I also cherish  little treasures that mother left behind. 

Grief is a challenge to manage. Most humans may never make peace with it. As a motherless child, I've only learned to tolerate it, while learning some priceless lessons. 

1. Stop worrying about what you can't control. Problems are a part of life. Feeling badly does not solve them. It only depletes your energy to deal with them. You may not always get the outcome that you feel that you deserve. If you don't, try not to internalize it. Chalk it up to something called life. 

2. Every moment of every day is a gift. Use time to the best of your ability. Never take it for granted. Never squander or mock it. Try to make a powerful impact in the world. Discover what matters most to you. You are here for a reason, a mission, a purpose to fulfill. You are golden, and so is time. 

3. Realize that the world is not an easy place. Not everyone will empathize with you. Not everyone will identify with your experiences and feelings. Bond with those who share your outlook. Never force yourself to be accepted any place. Anyone or any place that makes you feel bad is toxic. 

4. Identity what you love about your life and what you don't. Fix imbalances. Peace can come faster if you do. Know what you deserve, and what is acceptable to you. Stand up for yourself gracefully.  

5. Take care of your health spiritually, mentally and physically. All of these areas fuse together. 

6. Money will help you live a better quality of life, but happiness is a separate issue. Find pleasure in embracing your dreams and desires as money comes and goes. Stop worrying about anyone's approval. Craft a plan. If it makes sense to you, research your desire, then get to work. Failure is a sign of ambition. People who do nothing never fail or make mistakes. As you strive for succeed, be resilient enough to manage losses. Take lessons and build a more powerful effort. Never throw hard earned wisdom aside. 

7. People may judge others they don't really know. When and if people judge you, accept their outlook and move on. Don't waste time on unproductive situations. Stop waiting on apologies that may never come. Someone else would be glad to have you on their team, or in their life. Have confidence in yourself. If you need professional help to become stronger, seek it. 

8. Give back. Even if it's once a year, a small donation, a helping hand, a positive word--do something to encourage and inspire another human being. You may also give back in a loved one's name. Doing so can feel gratifying and help diminish thoughts of powerlessness. 

9. People grieve differently. Don't let anyone tell you what is the right or wrong way to do it. Try to eventually make grieving less loss focused, and more about acceptance. This takes time, but that's okay. Dealing with pain isn't easy. Not every day will be a good one. Not every day must feel bad either. 

10.  Find support in life. I do believe our loved ones also serve as guardian angels. Pray and meditate. Connect with them and God. They will direct you to your "helpers." Cherish your network of positivity. It is some place waiting for you, if you play close attention. 

The bright part of my mother's passing was writing my story about grief, the value of productivity, and pushing through difficultly to find a brighter place. I never expected my story, My Mother's Shoes, to make it into a Chicken Soup book. It did. Penning the story made me feel bigger than my grief. To me it paid homage to the power of sharing healing words. I hope that the story speaks to someone out there who is struggling to understand how to keep moving in difficult times while dealing with grief, or any difficulty at all. 

I wish you blessings of a wonderful week.  

Andrea