Friday, October 11, 2013

A poem for Domestic Violence Awareness Month. 4 AM freestyle, unedited.

SILENT PAIN

This is my life
Not quite the one I signed up for
In darkness I weep
with hands folded across my trembling lips

I live on a lonely shore
with no boat
no oar
no coat
no sustenance
and no strength to shout loudly
enough to summons help
from someone sane.

It's just us two, here in a desolate place.

You bloodied the warm, half moons you once loved to kiss
for hours on end
We ditched our friends to make love in the rain
and sing off key under summer skies.

Why has my loved one changed?

No matter how many times I question thee,
I don't receive a reply.

Now you bind me in heavy chains
and shackle me
like
I was never human.

How could you do this?

I sigh. Hopeless. Defeated. Down deep I ache for logic to explain.

You never told me what inspired you to violate our bond
and make me feel unsafe
broken
and 
worn.

I waited for years.
You still wouldn't tell me,
except with your heavy, clenched fists.
Hitting me like this became your daily, sick fix;
a habit you were unwilling to break.

You furrow your brow
as you slam blows into my tender skin
until you grew tired of smacking me around
after torturing every inch of my flesh.

But baby...I love you, I need you. I want us back. Can you fix this tilted dream and make it straight?

I can't admit that
but
instead
I
corageously yell, "Stop this!"

You backhand me as if you don't even care
so
I close my eyes
inhaling your cruel stench.

And it stinks
as
large drops of blood trickle
onto my aching hands.

Damn. You did it again.
I ache and hurt all over. All over. Forever, maybe.

Baby, this ain't no maybe situation....

We have an ugly life;
that's all that's left of us
despite
the wedding ring
that you slid on my finger

You beat me black and blue
You scream hateful words until
my reason quakes
You make me feel like a small stone stuck
at the bottom of a valley,
yet you are a mighty mountain
showing the world your strength
and prominence

A hot tear scorches my chilly skin
but I'll be all right; staying in your life
was my quiet, silent sin that no one else knows.

In public we appear to be iron strong
united forever
but those thousands of blinded eyes are clueless.
No one realizes that you do this to me.

You taught me to be an expert liar.

I should've risen to my feet
turned the doorknob behind me
and never wasted my breath on you again--
not even to say goodbye

When you raised your hand to hit me that final time
you erased the years of goodness you gave me
You took my paradise and made it morph
into a twelfth rung of hell
until my cup runneth over.

oh well

I didn't leave. I let you pull me back with your vicious rope of syrupy lies and put downs.


After you promised it would never happen again
You ripped truth from my belly and used your hands to tear me down;
outside
inside
forever...feverishly

I drop my head in shame
wishing that someone or something good  would dull this sharp pain

Long after my bruises heal
and my swollen lip recovers
I am damaged by a lover with poison hands and a sick mind

Your last blow knocks me from my feet
The world is quiet
still
and
blank.


I silently pray to God, "Please take away this pain. When I awaken, I promise to leave...this time."


My heart beat slows.

Then it stopped and ticked a final time. My life was done. Wasted. Over. But there was no do over.

Hurried feet left the murder scene.

Why didn't I leave cowardly you
before you left me
black and blue
in silent pain?

I was always stronger than what I knew. You were afraid that I would shine and light up the world without you. And that, my love, was my only sin.


Authored by Andrea Blackstone
Oct. 11/13

It takes courage to leave an abusive relationship, but it can be done. Male or female, no one should feel ashamed for needing or getting help. It may be a life saving step. God bless and protect us all. Much love to all domestic violence survivors.